the day before bones passed, livi and i drove him to uc davis for his first of four weekly radiation treatments. while for weeks we were pretty emotional and stressed due the uncertainty around his situation, we had started to feel some relief as the oncologist kept talking about his life in terms of months (and not days or weeks). i think that's why his sudden passing felt that much more traumatic; we had built up so much hope that was instantly shattered.
we dropped bones off at his boarding place on friday morning, and john said he was happy and excited to be there as usual. we took off for the airport and within 10 minutes of getting through security, john got a frantic call from pet camp. bones was basically having an anxiety attack, pacing and panting in his kennel. the problem is that when he pants, he literally can't breathe, and the more he couldn't breathe, the more freaked out he got and couldn't settle down. thankfully, one of the women that worked there put him in the car and rushed him to the vet er. they were able to sedate and intubate him so that he wouldn't suffocate.
john left the airport while the kids and i boarded the flight to san diego. the vet said bones looked pretty bad and we knew whether he lived or died, one of us needed to be there with him (and we all knew i wouldn't be able to handle it). because of his lungs doing all that extra work, he had started to build up fluid in them. and while we knew he probably wouldn't have a similar anxiety attack if he was comfortably back in our home, we couldn't risk him asphyxiating scared and alone when nobody was around, or suffering through another terrifying episode of being rushed to the vet while struggling to breathe. so after many texts through my flight and after many conversations with the doctor, we knew we had to let him go to prevent any further suffering. john snuggled with him for the afternoon, took him for one last walk in the sun, and then they laid down together and talked about the all the good times we had together: running in the surf, hunting for gophers, playing catch, chasing cats, burying his bully stick under john's pillow.
the kids weren't very emotional and were able to talk about it in more factual terms. we think jacks and livi are on the cusp of really understanding death and its permanence, and lyla obviously had no grasp on what was happening (thank goodness since bones was her absolute favorite!). on the plane, lyla was asleep, jacks sat with some friends we were traveling with, and poor livi stared at me with a worried expression as i was frantically texting john with tears streaming down my face. thankfully, john hopped on an evening flight to meet us in san diego, and we were able to allow ourselves some distraction before having to face the reality of bones really being gone.
john and i still talk about bones frequently, and are constantly reminded about how much he passionately loved or hated certain things, like in-n-out (loved) and bernese mountain dogs (hated). perhaps the highlight of my day now is when we pull into our driveway, the whole family still smiles and shouts out "we're home bones!!", just like we used to when he was with us.
john's instagram obituary:
We're going to miss this guy. His love of squeaky toys and squirrels, walking in tall grass, and laying in the sunshine. His hatred of large fluffy dogs, skateboards, kites, and the mailman. His bravery in the face of cancer. His unconditional love for our family. Farewell my friend, we'll see you in the big dog park in the sky. Bones: 9/30/2008-6/2/2017
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| morning kisses |
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| looks like john got jealous and needed a kiss of his own |
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| enjoying the fresh air and sunshine |
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| training snacks |
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| they're both so gentle with treats |
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| turns out bones liked dried apricots |
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| basking in the glorious sun |
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| my mother's day request...donuts at the beach |
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| the kids were delighted to humor me on my special day |
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| bones + the golden gate bridge |
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| loving the ocean breeze |
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| one of the things we had on bones' bucket list was a day at the beach... |
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we thought we had more time with him, but are
happy we at least got to give him this special outing |
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it's crazy this place is 2 miles from our house...
we need to take better advantage of it! |
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we got there pretty early in the morning so had much
of the beach to ourselves at first |
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| lyla was a little less confident in her jumping skills |
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| could there be a more beautiful backdrop?! |
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| i'm not going to lie...that water was frigid! |
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| we warmed jacks up by burying him in the sand |
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| bones didn't mind the cold water |
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| our original four kids |
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| nice shot, livi! always cutting off john's head. |
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| jacks has a bit better hand-eye coordination with his photos |
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| headed homr from our beach adventure |
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| bones was wiped out! |
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| kisses, kisses, and kisses |
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| not sure who has better puzzle skills |
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| john?! is that you out there?! |
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| more outside time with bonesie |
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| rinsing bones' pee from the fence |
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| nap-time for a couple of pellegrinis |
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| nobody seemed to mind the two sleeping giants in the room |
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| nothing will stop jacks from playing monopoly |
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| if jacks has to roll for bones, so be it! |
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| you could always find bones on our bed by 7:30am |
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| apparently bunny really wanted to take a pic with bones |
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| off to uc davis for a radiation consult |
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| bones was not too thrilled about the freeway drive |
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| we had to take a break so he could calm down and catch his breath |
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we hung out for five hours while bones had his ct scan...
it was nice to hang out but also quite depressing |
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| looks like everyone is ready for the moana sing-along |
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| a rare trip to the pet store |
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| bully sticks and bones galore! |
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the day before he passed, livi and i drove bones
to his first radiation appointment in davis |
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thankfully, the doc gave us anti-anxiety meds for the trip which
kept bones calm and not struggling for air |
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the vet and technicians were shocked he wore a muzzle
because he was such an angel when he was with them |
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livi needed a mommy-daughter date and this
ended up being a perfect trip together |
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| can you tell she loved her hot chocolate? |
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| great manners, liv! |
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| we were headed to san diego the next day so a pedicure was in order |
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| off we go from nails to ice cream |
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when livi gets a special day with mom or dad, she
determines its success by how many treats she gets |
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we picked up bones from his first treatment and
he was his usual self...excited to see us |
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he passed out on the long drive home thanks to the
residual effects of his anesthesia |
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| that night bones got to clean our plates one last time |
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our last family picture
(on the way to drop him at camp as we head to the airport) |
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after john rushed to the vet, the doctors took his breathing tube out
and woke him up from his sedation |
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they snuggled for a few hours and
took a walk in the sunshine |
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a few last snuggles with dad.
while we knew it was the absolute best decision for bones,
it was horribly painful for us to let him go |
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face-timeing from the rental car center
in san diego to say goodbye :( |
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| sheila helped the kids remember their favorite things about bones |
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while the kids likely won't remember too much about bones when they
grow up, john and i will will certainly never forget him
and everything he taught us about unconditional love. |
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bye, bonesie...we will miss you. you were a huge pain in our butts
but also one of our greatest accomplishments! |
